what the hell is going on!
And now it’s time for the anxiety to strike my life, for some unprovoked and frankly unfair reason.
Sitting in library reading some post-colonial theory for my exam, when suddenly feel remarkably unrelaxed.
Then suddenly so anxious cannot actually move on with my life (i.e. continue reading post-colonial theory).
What the hell? What the hell is this? I have absolutely no* reason to be anxious, after all.
(*few reasons I may have for being anxious include: dangers of library in form of people who are avoiding me/whom I am avoiding/about whom I am just awkward, stress of having done no work until yesterday for exams, particular stress about own life, stress about stress, stress stress stress STRESSSSS.)
Look, why would any of that make me get – I mean, Jesus – I have never, ever been this anxious before, except for any time I took a music exam, and that time I had to go to the doctor about my heart.
Anyway. Neither of those things are happening right now. I mean, I am in the warm, womb-like library, reading about something interesting, listening to some techno mixes.
I am so anxious. What the hell? I have no answers. I need some Valium, I think. Also, maybe some water? What the hell, feel like am about to be killed or something. Horrific sense of foreboding here.
Maybe North Korea has bombed someone and my psychic powers are warning me that everyone on the planet is about to experience a nuclear winter?
Think anxiety is rooted in self and not possible nuclear war.
What are you supposed to do for anxiety? Also have weird fuzzy feeling like someone is about to tell me something, or something. I don’t know. You know that feeling when you know you have to talk to someone about something neither of you want to talk about? I feel like I’m about to break up with someone, except that if that was about to happen it would be weird because I’m not going out with anybody, except maybe my Spotify account.
So that’s weird.
On other hand, maybe this is all symptom of some weird illness I have. Maybe have contracted illness. Maybe am ill. Maybe anxiety connected to fact that am ill.
Hope am not ill.
Also want anxiety to go away. Is morphing into back pain and headache. Muuuuuuu. Muuu. Do not like this. Do not like this AT ALL. DISLIKE. DISLIKE INTENSELY.
Agh, I need help. Somebody help me, but let it be someone cute because that would be better.
Will leave you all with that and will continue shaking in library basement like some kind of weird addict for the next two hours.
(Maybe I have just had too much coffee. Yet four cups does not seem like that much, really. Feel like I need to go to a health farm, whatever that is.)